I have felt it a few times in the last few weeks. A heaviness that threatens to weigh me down. It is not a total stranger, but it is one I hope to hold at arms-length as the weeks turn into months of the COVID-19 pandemic and the suffering of the world grows exponentially.
Anxiety for those we know and love, and concern for the physical, spiritual and financial well-being of the world, can create despair. Turning our energies from this understandable darkness to that which brings healing and hope requires intention and creativity. I’ve heard about both in recent days.
The Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley, California, offers excellent, brief articles about creating well-being during this world pandemic. From parenting to couple health to tips for better sleep, you will find support for the matters that concern you.
For example, on their website, greatergood.berkeley.edu, ther— is a creative Claymation video of a person purposefully slowing down on his walk to take note of the clouds in the sky, the birds singing, the leaves rustling and the aromas in the air. He thinks aloud how he had somehow missed these wonders on his routine daily walks. Being intentional about the awe and beauty around us is one way to stay positive and grounded.
We all know that children feel more secure and safe if they have routines. Apparently, so do adults. Finding ways to build routine into our new work-from-home lifestyles is practicing good mental health.
I have a friend who puts her red shoes on when she is working — even if she is still in her pajamas — to signal that she is at work. The neighborhood parents who are home-schooling their children must have an agreed upon time for home-schooling to be over, as mid-afternoon every day children erupt from their houses like the FSU Marching Chiefs spilling onto the field for pregame. Eating and going to bed at prescribed times adds routine and a sense of normalcy to an otherwise unstructured day.
One of the most painful and challenging concerns we face is the inability to gather for shared rituals. My dear friend lost her father just before restrictions on nursing home visitations and funeral gatherings were implemented. As a minister and daughter, she is so grateful she was not restricted from being with her father as he died and for having a visitation and funeral with the many people who adored him. Just the next week that was no longer an option, and many people since have known the angst of not being able to honor their loved one as they had imagined.
Recently we received a late-night call from the granddaughter of someone my husband once served as a Transitions volunteer. Her grandpa had died, and the person she thought to call was his volunteer. She summed up what I believe we miss most in not being able to gather to mourn the death and celebrate the life of those we love. She said she wanted “to tell stories and hear stories” about her grandpa.
While we cannot gather, we can still share stories. If you are grieving the loss of someone and have the strength to reach out, ask for stories. If you know someone who has lost someone they love in these days of physical distancing, send them a story you cherish about their loved one. It is one way to offer and receive healing and hope.
Beyond funerals, we are grieving weddings that have been postponed or downsized, proms, graduations, birthday parties, reunions and other social gatherings that held more meaning than perhaps we realized. Besides the joy of the event itself, these important markings of life transitions help us create a sense of community and belonging.
While virtual connections are certainly not the same as participating in person, sharing a ritual online can be powerful. One of our hospice volunteers noted that her patient, with whom she stays connected by phone, is thrilled that for the first time in over a year, she can worship with her congregation by joining them online.
One other way we can turn our energies toward healing and hope is by having significant conversations with those we love about our health-care wishes. The pandemic has been a crash course in facing our mortality. The possibility that we may need someone else to make health-care decisions for us, or that we may need to make decisions for someone we love, seems far more real today than it did just a few months ago.
If you need help starting this conversation, the Conversation Project or Five Wishes are both good online resources, or you can call 850-524-4645 for a phone consult with a Big Bend Hospice counselor.
Holding the darkness at bay involves being intentional and creative. I pray we find ways to support our own well-being, and that of others around us, as we look for healing and hope together.
The Rev. Candace McKibben is an ordained minister who serves as the director of faith outreach at Big Bend Hospice and as pastor of Tallahassee Fellowship.
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May 02, 2020 at 05:13PM
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While we cannot gather, sharing stories can help | McKibben - Tallahassee Democrat
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